You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I faked an abortion last night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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