I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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