I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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