I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize