I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize