my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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