I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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