i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
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I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
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We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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