I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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