she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
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Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
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I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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