I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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