My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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