I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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