being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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