How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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