Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize