I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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