tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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