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I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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