never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize