I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize