THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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