you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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