false alarm. still invincible.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
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Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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