Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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