Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
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remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
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She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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