I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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