The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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