he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
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I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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