Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize