I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
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The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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