Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize