i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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