We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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