Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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