woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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