my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize