I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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