Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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