Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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