I think my fart just growled at me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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