I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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