Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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