Sry I called you an 8
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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