I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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