yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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