The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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