guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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