She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize