he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
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I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
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AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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