I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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